saturday

Oh roommates. Sweet roommates. 3:45? Really? And after I come down, am so kind about it, and even hang out for a minute and listen to some drunk problems, and come back upstairs, does there have to be some drunk fight? Fighting? What are you fighting about?

At about 6:30 is when I went and shut it down for real. Tomblike silence prevailed in 15 minutes.  I should disclaim that these aren't my actual roommates, but friends of a roommate and his girlfriend.  Corbin asked me yesterday if I was going to be leaving when my lease is up.  Now, I love my room, it's large and wonderfully spacious.  I have room for my piano and a porch and a fabulous bathroom and walk-in closet and my own porch.  But this house a) is constantly messy and b) a place for the parties. I like the parties, but I don't want to live in one I think.  Sisters like me need their quiet places quiet.

So who knows.   I tell you what, though.  I do not feel like headin to the Glenn today.  Well. Just typing the Glenn kind of makes me change my mind. And I do like walking there. And I do positively adore the workmates. And having dinner with them, all together, at 4:30 each and everyday. Chef Greg all irritable and over-authoritative tells us about the menu while I stare at his right hoop earring the whole time.  Some rugged face woman eats out of the garbage can to my right. The Czech twins freak out about the low amount of reservations. Keyatta makes me a mint lemonade or I have some coffee.  Several awkward conversations follow between me, Brown Mike, Danny and MBK the Server Assistant.  Cute James the manager comes over a few times, that's always nice.  

I just love that we're in a hotel I think.  A really old factory building built in the 20s renovated and done up all sexy and grown but classy and fun with a projector that plays old Charlie Chaplin reels and a ready supply of Dum-Dums at the front desk. ( I mean, I have never...) And clueless tourists and a crazy delicious bar and a free and beautiful rooftop bar with the most perfect view of the city you ever did see.  I mean, I like it, that's all.

I guess I'm studying tomorrow after church before I hit up that crazy place at 4 again.  Then Organic Chemistry lab starts Monday morning.  

For now, I'll part with this:   http://bit.ly/yxhV3.  I remembered this morning that I haven't seen this in too long.

Sometimes I think it's probably time for me to be quiet for a while and wait on Heaven Knows What. I capitalize it because it's one thing, or a series of things started by one thing, that I always think is supposed to be happening at some point. Convolution.

Anyway, this quiet. I'm actually alone for most of my day. I'm working on my thesis, or I'm running errands, or I'm driving some ridiculous distance to go subsitute teach. My radio doesn't work in my car and so often I'm sitting in silence. And it's become like water. They tell you that you have to drink so many glasses of water a day because your body needs it, but the need is sort of covert and you don't really recognize how much you've been missing it until you start drinking it all the time. That's what this need for silence has become. Now I'm drinking it and drinking it and I'm even postponing plans sometimes just so I can be alone for just a few more hours.

And so I just sit and listen, and what I do in the morning is tell God that he can have this day. It's terrible because I don't remember to do it every morning, or sometimes I remember to tell Him halfway through the day, but there you have it. Maybe He can write this thesis for me, but I doubt it. He knows I sure don't want to write it. On the days I let him lead me more and I'm praying and listening more I'm more productive, and I get all these great ideas about money management and time management and insight into people's characters, and my interactions with people are easier and I'm not anxious as much.

And it's one of those wierd Christian things you can't explain, this process of being led. Is it an audible voice for everyone, or a "hunch", just an idea that you don't know the origin of? Is there more of an external force moving people and things around in such away that they fall into your life at a certain important time, and this only happens because you're allowing yourself to be guided more than usual? I don't know.

So this goes back to these things that I feel are happening in my life. I know I'm graduating, I know I'm applying for teaching jobs, I know that I have to find a new place to live, and all this has to happen before June. So just listen, I guess, that's what I'm doing. And that's what this silence is about, I suppose. Waiting and hearing, creating an in and out of perception and reaction. All I know is I'm grateful for it.