January 28, 2012

Psalm 55:1-8

Hear my prayer, O God;

do not hide yourself from my petition

Listen to me and answer me;

I have no peace, because of my cares.

I am shaken by the noise of the enemy

and by the pressure of the wicked;

For they have cast an evil spell upon me

and are set against me in fury.

My heart quakes within me,

and the terrors of death have fallen upon me.

Fear and trembling have come over me,

and horror overwhelms me.

And I said, "Oh that I had wings like a dove!

I would fly away and be at rest.

I would flee to a far-off place

and make mu lodging in the wilderness.

I would hasten to escape

from the stormy wind and tempest.

This is hard. I just am struggling to put into words everything I am feeling these days. I need a break, a revelation a decision, an idea, a clue, something that will push me over, make me think, give me peace that there is something else to look forward to besides just being sober and not depressed. It's impatience. Most of my impatience stems from the fact that I am regrettably still working in a bar, and so far my efforts to get out aren't working.

I am praying for patience and self-awareness and wisdom to know when it's a submission issue and when it's a non-issue.